(6/26) ASK MERTON M4M ADVICE COLUMN: Curious? Newbie? Experienced but need some guidance?... Ask Merton! (c) Merton Parrish/SeriousHookupsM4M.com

Hey Guys!

From time to time I get emails asking for advice concerning issues related to being a gay, bi, or str8 m4m guy. Sometimes the questions relate to cockworship. Being an author specializing in the m4m experience, I lilke to do what I can to help. If you have an issue you would like help with, send your question to me at PreferredDad@aol.com. In your email please confirm your age and let me know it's ok print your question here in the blog. I will post your question and my response. I won't include your name or email.

Here is the most recent question:

A friend and I were discussing the intricacies of what is appropriate to post on groups and what is not. When is it appropriate to post and when is it not? I tend to be more liberal in this regard, and figure that messages which one does not like are what the delete button is for. Otherwise, a few tyrants who feel they are the arbitrars (sp?) of "what is best" control free discourse on groups, just as in tv-land, or the arena of books and periodicals, censorship can wreak havoc.

Recently, in a group I blong to there was a big "to do" because some men started, admittedly, a very long thread which a few memebers of that group thought was off topic. A big, hairy, nasty fued errupted, and alot of feelings were hurt...

This was my message which I sent to the group regarding the "to do." Of course, this is just my opinion. No offense intended to those of either view. In the words of our fearless leader (uck!) "I am a uniter, not a divider!" Lol...

My response:

K, here is what I posted:

Hey guys,

In the words of Elle, in a new musical...
"Oh my God, oh my God you guys!"

Aren't we gay guys good at creating drama?!?
(Aren't we human beings good at creating drama?)

I am a younger, partnered, member of the group, and I will have to say it has been a bit of a challenge reading and/or deleting all those emails on musicals, operas, movies, etc... but I just wanted to say, "you go girls!" (lol)... banter back and forth, get to know eachother, have fun... that's what groups are for... if any of us don't like any emails, thats what the "delete" button or the "change your settings" button is for.

The alternative IS a dead group. This group is ALIVE and so are we no matter our age in years... Hooray!

I am thrilled that you guys found such joy creating that dialogue. Life and living is for CONNECTION and JOY and that's what groups should be about. You guys are WONDERFUL, lively gents, and your intelligence, discernment, and enthusiasm are a gift to the world.
Older (and younger) Opera, Movie, and Musical Queens of the world unite... we rule! (No matter what anyone says!) LOL...

I wish all my brother group members a great day...
I am going to start my day now, listen to the Broadway channel on satellite radio, think of you lively gents, humm tunes... and SMILE!

-Michael :).
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Previous Question:

Well, I am posting a question from myself this week. I have been wondering about my exhiitionistic tendencies. I absolutely LOVE to be watched on cam. The more guys watching, the better. Lol. I have not really been able to find much about this subject on the net, but below you will find my thoughts.

I don't really think my desire to exhibit myself is about ego. I know I am not a model for Honcho, or something like that! However, I do find it exciting that others are watching, and I like for groups of guys to watch me, at their home or office computer. Hearing on IM that a group of guys are standing around a computer at their office watching "lil 'ol me" just really gets me excited. I get hard in an instant, when I get an IM saying, "four of us watching."

I love hearing how many are watching, what they are doing, and what they like about what they see. I know that sometimes guys tell me there are groups watching, and that they may not be telling the truth about this (it may just be they themselves watching) but that is ok... it's all part of the fun, the fantasy, the role playing.

Isn't what turns us on a mystery?!?

Well I think camming is very fun... and healthy too. It is exciting and relaxing all at once to cam like this. It is play. It's not illegal, it's not shameful, it's very positve and finally, it's theraputic for all concerned.

We all need to play more.

What do you guys think?

Do you have exhibitionistic tendencies? Do you indulge them on cam? Is this a good outlet for you, as it is for me?

I will look forward to some comments on this subject.

-Merton :)

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Previous Question:

I have had some questions about my paintings. Here is some copy I have just written for my SeriousHookupsM4M.com site (soon to be launched). My painitngs will be for sale on the site. Some of my paintings will be available (as ecards and screensavers, etc., ) free of charge on the site, too.

K, here is the copy. I think you will find it interesting becuase it talks about their relevance to m4m guys and to cockworship:

About Merton Parrish as Artist...

Merton is a writer and artist living in the midwest. He paints on M4M and Cockworship themes. His works celebrate all things male, and focus on m4m sexuality, sensuality, spirituality, and ecstasy. In realistic and symbolic styles, Merton brings to life the inner thoughts, fantasies and ideals of gay, bi, and straight m4m men through brilliant color and unrestrained themes. In his work, he speaks to the ecstatic joy that m4m contact and cockworship engender.

Who are these paintings for?...

These paintings are for all men who experience, dream of, or fantasize about m4m contact. They are painted in honor of Priapus, who is an ancient and wonderful manifestation of the Divine. Whether we know it or not, Priapus, as metaphor and real presence is present in all men, if we will but notice. He represents creativity, abundance, protection, good fortune, ecstacy, and wholeness, circumvention of violence and evil, and release of negativity. Oh how we need these things!

About the works of Merton Parrish...

The works seek to convey the truth that the good things mentioned above spring forth from that "root" that is in all of us, that very creative center, which makes itself felt so vividly in our sexuality. Our sexuality is not separate from us, but right at the very center of our being. When we connect with this root of our being, and connect with our brothers through m4m contact, we are (whether we are being playful, sexy, role playing, deeply intimate) worshipping! Sex, whether with our partners or playmates, is not bad or shameful. To the contrary, it is ecstatic, joyful, and holy!

These works represent a great "aha!" or epiphany for us!...

Sexuality and spirituality are not separate from each other, and they are not separate from us. We are not separate from each other, our world, or the Divine. This, to Merton is the sunny, happy, ecstatic, joyful truth of Priapus cockworship, of life, of God. This is why we came here. (Think of the implications of this. To know this changes us, and since we are all connected, it changes the world too! ) To realize this connection wholeness and unity is so freeing and beautiful... and m4m contact and cockworship is such a wonderful path toward this new freedom of body, mind and spirit. The paintings of Merton Parrish seek to capture and convey these ideas, this new paradigm.

About the medium...

Merton paints in oil on recycled materials. Foamcore, cardboard, painted over prints, painted over canvases, posterboard... all sorts of materials are used to paint upon. This is inherent in buying a painting. Therefore, there are at times imperfections which you may notice when you receive your painting. A corner might be imperfect. There might be some creases in places. Sizes may be odd, and pieces may not be entirely square. But, the painting as a whole will be an original work of art, colorful, beautiful, and a special gift to you. It is hoped that you will see this as environmentally sound and a joy, in that old worn out material is given a new life. Paintings are unframed (i.e. ready for you to frame).

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Previous Question:

Dear Merton,

I really want to play... but I am worried about stds. Should I be worried?

My Repsonse:

Well, dear brother, you must weigh the risks against the benefits. It is said that the "only safe sex is no sex," and there is some truth to this. But in my personal opinion a life without the touch of others is not much of a life.

My advice?

Become as informed as possible, decide what risk you can live with, set your criteria for who you will play with and what forms of sexual play you are willing to participate in... and then stick with this. You will then feel much more at ease, be able to enjoy the touch of others, and know that:

* you are living your truth

*you are taking care of you

*you are enjoying the ecstatic portion of life (which is so important).

Good luck, dear brother!

-Merton :)

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Previous Question:

Dear Merton,

Why does it seem so hard to hookup on the net? I try really hard to connect, and so many guys are not for real and don't even bother to show!

My response:

Well, dear brother, you have put your finger on a problem, here. My partner and I figure that advertising yourself on the net (i.e. the fact that you would like to meet for friendship, hooking up, or partnership) is a bit like advertising anything else... it gets about a 2-6% return. So, even if you post on dozens or even hundreds of groups, only about that percent of the guys receiving your message will respond. And, then, of those, many will not be suitable or will not follow through. Then, of course, even if they do appear suitable intially and they actually do show up, once you meet them, you may not have chemistry.

However, despite all of this, it is, in my opionion worth the effort. You must simply be consistent in your efforts, be sincere, show up, etc... and keep hoping that others will do the same. Remember, what "goes around, comes around..."

We just go on with our day... if they show, they show... if they don't, then they don't... If it works out well it works out well... If it doesn't, we just consider it par for the course.

Just remember, when it does work out.. you will be very glad!

Merton :)

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Previous Question:

Merton: Can I be a worshipper of Priapus and also maintain my other religious affiliations?

My response:

Well, I think you can. I personally see God in all things. God is in the tree, the grass, the doggie, the couch, the storm, the sun... and certainly in the phallus. There is no question for me that God in the phallus, and the story of Priapus is a beautiful expression of this. We cocksuckers and enjoyers of cocksucking know what power and life and beauty that is there.

Priapus is the name we give that divine power! How wonderful that we have declared and accepted it as holy, and I am not being sanctimonious... hot, sexy, fun, joyful enjoyment and worship of cock feels divine and it is divine. It is only those who are invested in the "via negativa," those who are afraid of ecstasy, who would say that anything that feels good is bad.

Praipus worship is light, sunny, happy, lovely, playful, sexy, joyful, ecstatic... divine!

I don't believe in dogma or literal scripture anyway, so I can appreciate all manifestations of God, all stories of God, all ways of describing God as good. They are to me just re-tellings of the same story of Divinity. I do not accept their constraints and admonishments to behave, or think or feel a certain way, but I can appreciate their poetic, metaphoric beauty. So to me, Priapus worship and at least appreciation of other forms of worship go together beautifully.

Now if you are insistent on foisting upon yourself all the dogmatic demands of a religious structure, you might have a bit of trouble with Priapus worship. But I think you will have a bit of trouble not just with Priapus worship, but with accepting yourself, being fulfilled and being happy in general.

Peace, my brothers in Cock...

-Merton :)